I'm sure this is an accurate psychiatric evaluation... hm.

Caitlin

Not Fit for Society

Extremely Insane

Extremely Insane

Extremely Insane

Click Here to Find Out YOUR Psychiatric Evaluation at QuizGalaxy.com

101 Things to Do With a 'Worm Thing' (And Six With a Can of Condensed Milk): A Camper's Guide to Randomosity.

On Tues-dee-ay my drama class and some random English class went and saw the Bell Shakespeare production of Othello at The Playhouse. It was... hm. Having seen the Bell Shakespeare Romeo & Juliet last year, I may have had my expectations raised unfairly (it was awesome), but Othello didn't seem to have quite the sparkle that Romeo & Juliet did. The lady playing Emelia (Desdemona's maid) was really good, as was the guy who played Iago. I think they did more for the play than Desdemona and Othello. That's not to say that Othello and Desdemona weren't good, just that Iago and Emelia were even better. But yeah. Having not actually read the play before seeing it, and just having a vague idea of how it went, I quite enjoyed it. It was well done. But it wasn't absolutely incredible and amazing, which is what I've come to expect from the plays I've seen =p Maybe it's just that the sparkling atmosphere wasn't there, because when I saw Romeo & Juliet, that was at night, and when I saw those other plays with Anne and Greg at the Street Theatre, they were at night. There is something beautiful and exciting about nighttime that makes me wish more people had my sleeping patterns :P

Yesterday was quite a good day. The bay was open, which was good, we bummed around in there doing not a lot, eating and talking and whatnot. I missed the first half of line seven and lunch :( because I had a doctor's appointment, which yes, went quite well, thank you. The second half of line seven was pretty fun, basically more sitting around and chatting (and having my back drawn on, thank you Stuart :P). But yeah, that was fun, and I went and bummed around Woden with Isaac after school, then came home and did nothing at all :)

Today was good. I was at school by 8.30 as usual, though I've no idea why as I didn't have to be there till 12.05. Line seven was spent being bored and reading and knitting, and then Amy and I went and killed time in Woden, which was awesome. Why was it awesome? Because Amy is one of those people who can make a trip to the bus stop exciting and funny. So we trekked our way around Woden in a generally pointless manner, and had a whole bunch of fun and some random conversations along the way.
Then theory of knowledge, and then an appointment with my new psychologist. Some of you may have noticed I haven't been entirely sane (or too happy) lately. This is not because I have got less sane, or less happy, but simply because I have lost some of my acting ability and you've just started noticing. Actually, yeah, I have gotten slightly less happy, but I can't think of a single reason for this (I can, however, think of multiple small ones). But yes. I had a psychologist for a while last year, and I did not like her, though I'm not sure why. And I got a referral for this new one yesterday from the doctor, and I seem to be able to get along with her considerably better (though that isn't really hard).

Anyway, stuff is pretty good for me generally.

This weekend is going to be awesome ^-^ Whipped cream! Sparklers! Marshmallows! WORMM THINGS! And... crippled fiiiiiiish!!
You guys rock, by the way ^-^

Look, crap.

Basics
name? Caitlin
birthday? 23rd January.
height? Dunno. Short =(
weight? Round about fifty-five, depending on whether I've pigged out recently or not.
eye color? No clue. Either green or blue, depending on who you ask.
hair color? Light brown.
hair length? Meh, pretty medium right now. It can get quite long quite quickly, but I'm thinking about getting it cut shorter.
religion? Nuh.
mental problems? Shut up. Out of my head, right now, no nosing around my mind.
medical problems? Not that I know of, apart from being semi-blind.

On to the currents...
current top? Blue strappy-sleeved one.
current bottom? My old jeans! I love them. I'm sorry new jeans, but I just can't let go of these old ones. They're comfier than trackies, for frying out loud.
current jewelry? Er... my watch, I guess. Earrings? But they're just sleepers, nothing special.
current nailpolish color? None.
current shoes? None =)
current book? Thump! - Terry Pratchett.
current song? Stoned - Dido.
current tv show? None.
currently talking to? Jonno, Anna, Rosalind, Graham. (Well, talking at that last one...)
currently thinking of? So much that I don't want to share, and so little that I do.

The lasts...
last person you hugged? Hm... Amy, I think, and Ryan before that and Skye before that. And Stuart before that and Skye again before that.
last person you thought of? Have a guess. Go on. It should be pretty easy if you know me. Actually, no. It's not the obvious answer...
last person you fought with? Heh. Depends how you define 'fought'. If you mean 'poke wars' or 'shoelace stealing', then Ryan. If you mean actually fought? I don't know. I don't really fight with people...
last person you talked to? I'm talking to people now. Apart from people I'm talking to now? Amy.
last person you had dinner with? My family?
last person you sent a message to? No phone :'(
last person you sent snail mail to? Probably my nana.
last person you cried over? Heh. Go for it, guess. This time it IS the obvious answer =(

Favorites...
color? green
food? Skittles, totally. Or pie.
fast food? Mm, I dunno. Pizza... good pizza.
restaurant? I dunno. I don't go to restaurants. Ooh, wait, I know! The one they had at school last term =P
desert? Desert? Um, I dunno. I'm not too into deserts, myself. Dessert, on the other hand? Mm... apple pie, with vanilla ice cream ^-^
ice cream? Anna's answer was "cookies & cream". My response is, "Ooh, SO yes! Cookies & Cream ftw XD"
candy bar? Mm... I dunno. I'm not hugely into candy bars. Usually I buy Skittles from the vending machine, but they're not candy bars. Just candy.
holiday? Summer holidays, they have Christmas and my birthday (I may do philosomaphy, but I'm all for the acquisition of material goods =P)
season? Mm... spring. Or summer. Or autumn, for the leaves. Eh, I don't know.
month? End of November/December. The feeling of relief at the end of the school year is indescribable.
number? Dunno.
band? No idea.
song? Run - Snow Patrol.
lyric? Dunno. I have so many ones I like. Probably 'Light up, light up, as if you have a choice', at the moment.
job? Favourite job? I wouldn't know.
candle scent? No clue.
soft drink? Lift or Fanta.
karaoke song? Karaoke: Just Say No.
bar/hang out? Hang out? Oh, SO the Bay ^_^
shoe type? Um... nice looking and comfy?
shoe brand? No idea.
actor? Meh.
movie? Monty Python and the Holy Grail!
actress? Meh.
salad dressing? Eww, salads? Healthy = no.
tv channel? Hehe, ABC ^-^
tv show? No idea. I don't watch a lot of TV.
old school tv show? Meh, don't know.
board game? No idea.
hard candy? That was a movie.
flowers? Lilies.
animal? Bonobos ;)
pet? I don't have a pet :'(
cartoon? No idea.
comic strip? WEBCOMIX ^_^ - Questionable Content =)
book? Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
markers? Hm?
medication? Panadol is my friend.
shampoo? Huh? It's all the same.
fictional character? Faye, from QC :P
air freshener? Dunno.
health bar? Hehehehe- no.
mall food? Gelato! From Gelatini!
mall store? Ooh, so Socrates or Tree of Life. Or Angus & Robertson...

Firsts...
first kiss? Shhh ;)
first boyfriend? None of your business, mm.
first pet? Teh kitty.
first best friend? Leisha. Haha, yes, THAT Leisha! Anyone who went/goes to Deakin and/or Lyons will know the one :P
first cellphone? Haven't had one, haven't got one :'(
first crush? None of your business =p
first broken heart? None of your business, yet again. This time without the little happy tongue-pokey-out face.
first real relationship? I have yet to have a REAL relationship. Oh, I've been out, but a "real" relationship? Oh pfft.
first time? First time what? () =)

Make-up...
foundation? No. Eww, you know those people with the metric fucktonne of orange foundation? So, so gross.
eye shadow? Mm, occasionally.
mascara? Mm, usually.
eyeliner? Occasionally.
lip gloss? Occasionally. Usually just lip balm, rather than actual gloss-stuff.
lipstick? No.
nailpolish? Rarely.


Dream on....
dream husband? Heh, no clue.
dream career? No idea... I don't even know where I want to go after college.
dream name? No idea.
dream pets? Kitties. Lots of them.
dream home? Somewhere in northern NSW/southern QLD.
dream award? Oh, totally a participation certificate.

Friends...
craziest friend? Crazy-giggly-taker-over-er-of-the-world? Amy. Crazy-hilarious-mass-murderer-of-males? Skye. Music-crazy? Anna, if I could claim her as a friend =p Actual-crazy? I know exactly who I would list there, but it might be mean...
funniest friend? Gah, no idea >.< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sooo...
most spontaneous friend? Heh, Skye or Amy.
loudest friend? Hm... I dunno. I'm probably loudest in the group. Apart from me? Well, Maddie can get pretty loud. Brenda can, in that grating-on-your-mind kinda way.
friend you think would end up hiding a body? Heheh, predictable answer? Skye, she'll hide the bodies of all the men in the world that she kills. Except I don't think she'd hide them... Ryan probably wouldn't hide bodies, either, he'd like, prop them up on the sofa or put them in people's beds to scare the shit out of them... I think Amy would hide them.
would you help that friend hide a body? Hell yes =p
friend you can talk to for hours? Any of them =)
friend most like you? Various people in various ways. Skye in the randomness, Ryan in the craziness, Amy in the tendency to say things that majorly freak people out.
friend you would marry? Any of them! ^-^
hottest friend? Heheh. Unfortunately only the girls in my group are hot, and I can't pick one of them without upsetting anyone :P
most adorable friend? Oh, so Amy. Just because she's so tiny! And she bounces! Like a little pixie!
most obnoxious friend? I'm the most obnoxious in the group. But any of us could be obnoxious if we took any of our quirks too far.
most caring friend? Most... hm... Ryan or Skye. Ryan is an obvious and wonderfully helpful kind of caring. Skye is a subtle kind of caring who you don't realise is supporting you until you randomly start crying on her =p
friend you'd do anything for? Any of the ones I'm particularly close to. Skye, Ryan, Amy... Probably Maddie, Stuart, anyone else who I talk to, really.
friend with the most drama? Heheh. Skyyyyyeee :P Though Amy does undramatic things with drama.
friend you had benefits with? Oi, awful question =p
friend thats the biggest tease? Tease? Tease as in making fun of people jokingly tease, or tease as in...
are you friends mostly guys or girls? Guys, but the kind of guys who always end up in large groups of girls.
would you die for you friends? Oh yes.
where did you meet your best friend? Which one? Becky and Izzy have been out of state so long I've kind of lost that closeness, and I haven't been at college long enough to really have made best friends... all the people I would consider best friends have their own best friends already.
where did you meet your 2nd best friend? See above.

My Feet Like Each Other - Aww!

Yes, I am sorry boys (is it just me, or is everybody who reads my blog male? I'll have to get Skye to read it to even it up a little... she's worth multiple people :P), I have not updated in a little while and will most probably not update properly again in a little longer. Just stuff going on in my head, that wants to be thought about silently and not out loud. I have no more words that want sharing, but more will come eventually. In the meantime I am still replying to comments and whatnot, and you may discover clever comments from a clever random on the last post that are good for reading.
I had a surprisingly good day today, except for the bits (say, 60% of it) that sucked.
Eh.

Oh - and the job interview went reasonably well, thanks to all who wished me luck, and to those who continue to wish me luck. The guy doing the interview was freaking creepy, though, and half the buttons on his shirt weren't done up. Ew. He smelled damn weird, too. Bleurgh.

50 Decimal Places.

So... school. I'm V-grading ToK and English. Not going to enough classes. I told mother about it last night and survived. She coped remarkably well.
I'm going to have to talk to student services and see whether there is any way for me to save those subjects. ToK especially.

I dropped in an application for a job at the newsagency in Woden on Thursday, and got a call yesterday asking me to go in for an interview on Monday. Yay combination of excitement and nervousness. I might have a job! Shock! Money! Wow!

Jess' Fun Factory party was awesome ^-^
There were like, three pairs of fuzzy handcuffs and some kitten ears involved =P
Hehe, Iddle Jess-ums is only fifteen...

School yesterday was meh.
I went to maths like a good girl, which was a LOT of effort. Really. After not going to a lot of classes for a long time, forcing myself to go to maths was difficult, but I was one lesson away from V-grading, so... so I made myself go, and got lectured by the teacher almost to the point of tears. The maths that I missed out on by not going is (most horrible, fucked up coincidence of all possible coincidences) the year eleven version of the maths that I missed out on last year by not doing any work and not listening. So it's going to be damn near impossible for me to catch up, but hopefully I will be able to beg some help off someone.
Drama was pretty bland. We sat in a circle and watched people walk around, and then... shock, horror: took notes from the board! Apparently next double we go to Woden and stalk people. Sounds interesting...
I spent my line off sitting around with the other people who had line two off, and fighting for Ryan's shoelace, which Amy (awesome hippie girl from drama and ToK - have I mentioned her?) tried to help me steal, and which Lachlan came past and yoinked out of our hands, curse him.
Lunch was, uh, interesting. Discussions were had about kinkiness and killing - thank god, not in the same sentence - and general stuff that I can't remember was said. The usual stuff along the lines of "CRIPPLED FISH!" and "Awkward Silence Turtle! *mad leprechaun giggle*".
We played Sardines, which Jess does not know. Sardines is that game, right, where one person goes and hides, and then everyone goes to look for them. If you find the hide-er, you join them in their hiding space, and keep quiet. If you find the people who are hiding, you join them, until all but one person has found their way to the group of hide-ers. That last person to find them is the first person to hide in the next game. Our version was slightly different. It consisted of Ryan, Skye and me going and lying at the top of the stairs and calling randoms and hanging up. It wasn't as interesting as it sounds, but apparently seeing one head and several legs sticking up/out of the place we were lying in was amusing.
Psychology was another boring taking-notes lesson, but I think I'm almost V-grading psychology as well as maths, so I can't miss any more of them.

Bleurgh... I am thinking.
I am thinking about other people.
Other people and their lack of money, and how they can possibly be so stressed out about it, when they still have more money than my entire family put together.
And how maybe it's just a loss of freedom thing, to suddenly not have money to throw around. As Skye said when I was talking about jobs: jobs are money, and money is freedom.
I'm thinking about whether I understand or not. I want to understand, if I'm allowed to.
I'm thinking about why other people are thinking about certain things.
I'm wondering what other people are thinking about certain other things... namely, me.
I am thinking... in very general terms, so as not to let randoms know who of the people I know is thinking about what (people who know me well or know the people I'm talking about, may be able to guess. But not randoms, so all is good).
But basically, I am thinking.
I used to think all the time. Non-stop. And then I just, stopped thinking. And I hadn't thought, properly, about anything at all, since about halfway through year nine, maybe a little after. And I've been working to get myself thinking again, and suddenly here it all comes back, and I'm thinking all the time again. It is surprisingly good to feel my mind actually doing something with itself other than making origami snails and eating them (papier escargot!).
So, I am thinking.
Be proud of me.

3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510

While I'm stealing comics...

Oh, my god. Roleplaying robots? Roleplaying as humans using computers? Lame? Just a little?
Freaking hilarious, nonetheless :P

I'm sorry guys, but...

Copyright Thievery!!

Heheh... "Meez"...

TV is actually remarkably boring...

Don't kill me for that statement, but it's true.
So yeah, I'm not in the greatest of moods right now.
Um...
Yeah.
I really can't see a way of explaining it without making a couple of people out to be really bad people. Really they aren't. And also I told them I wasn't pissed at them. I'm not. It's just suddenly upset me in the past couple of hours.
So yeah.
Hopefully it will be sorted out tomorrow.
Sorry if I'm snapping at anyone tonight.

Edit: It is now tomorrow and I am in an even less pleasant mood. Hoo-rah! But see, now it's more of a tired, resigned and sad mood. Yay. Fun fun, and whatnot. So, where most people would say "Don't talk to me", I am instead asking that you all please talk to me so I can be distracted. Thank you =)

More Room Photos. Exciting? Methinks not.

^Left Bookshelf^

^Right Bookshelf^

^Both bookshelves, and my bed^

Yay for... rearranging rooms?

So yeah, I'm mucking around with the furniture in my room. I took out my old bookshelf and put in a couple of new ones, and moved my bed so it's against the other wall. I'm going to finish sorting out the junk on my bed and floor, hopefully my desk too, and then move my desk so it's under the window with the blinds. Halfway through, have a look:

OMG Jess's Birthday!

Hehehe, I remembered! Happy Birthday Jess! Sweet... fifteen. Haha, not legal yet. Iddle Jessy-wums is still iddle and Jessy-wum-y! Hehehe... don't hurt me =P
Welp, I'm too lazy to say wonderful things about the wonderful Jess, but she's fifteen today so everybody wish her a happy birthday :P

Yay more random survey junk things...

:iTunes Playlist Survey:

Sort by song title:
-First Song: 10am Automatic - The Black Keys
-Last Song: The Zephyr Song - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Sort by time:
-Shortest Song: Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles (2:06)
-Longest Song: Us and Them - Pink Floyd (7:50)
Sort by album:
-First Song: Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles (1)
-Last Song: A whole bunch for which I have blank 'album' fields.

First five songs that comes up on Shuffle:
1) Light My Fire - José Feliciano
2) Tell Me Baby - Red Hot Chili Peppers
3) Sleepy Little Deathtoll Town - The Panda Band
4) Don't THink Twice, It's Alright - The Waifs
5) Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

Top 10 Most Played Songs:
1) Run - Snow Patrol
2) Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Pepeprs
3) The Scientist - Coldplay
4) Jesus, Etc. - Wilco
5) One Week - Barenaked Ladies
6) Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles
7) I Want to Hold Your Hand - The Beatles
8) Fat-bottomed Girls - Queen
9) Shut Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
10) Torture Me - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Search....
"sex", how many songs come up?: 1
"love", how many songs come up?: 4
"you", how many songs come up?: 26
"death", how many songs come up? 2
"hate", how many songs come up? 0
"wish" how many songs come up? 1

... Benjamina?

Another awesome day for me.
Very very awesome.
Blister on my foot :(
Awesome though.
Very awesome.
Yet again, I hope you all had wonderful days too :)

Power to the Shakespeare Nerds...

I am so bored.
Nothing has been happening, except for a little driving yesterday. That was pretty cool.
Sigh.
Bored.
Apparently power used by appliances on stand-by accounts for 10% of all power used domestically in Australia. That is, things that may as well be off are using that much of your power. All the appliances in my house are too old to actually have stand-by modes. We don't have remotes for the TVs or a microwave. This computer is seven years old and it wasn't even good when we bought it. Therefore, crappy appliances = eco-friendly. Techno-phobic mothers = eco-friendly. Unfortunately, they're also annoying as anything. Gr.
Mm... family is talking about going camping on Friday. That would be very awesome, provided they don't make me go. I do not want to go camping with my family. I argue constantly with Connor and often with Bridie. It would be a very unpleasant experience for all. A far more pleasant experience would be them going camping, because they want to, and me staying home, because I want to. Separately. Because I don't want to be with them. The parents understand that. Hopefully I will be able to stay home alone from Friday morning till about midday Saturday. Chances are I won't do anything interesting, but at least I can do nothing at all without having to avoid my brother and youngest sister while doing so.
Bored, as I said.
Watching TV. Fun-fun.
Anyway...
Bored.
Now to go kill time in some other inventive and pointless way.

Like a Salad

Today is Thursday, right? I think so. Well anyway.
Tuesday night Skye had a movie night ^-^ And, it was so funny. We were supposed to be watching scary movies, but we kept making random comments all through Grudge 2 and that kind of killed the scariness of it a bit, and then Texas Chainsaw Massacre wasn't 'scary', so much as 'unpleasant'. And it was getting repetitive by about twenty minutes in, so we stopped watching that and just sat around giggling instead. Mandy went home instead of staying overnight, and Terri fell asleep at around two, so they missed out on the Salad/Haystack/Puppy Relationship Analysis Metaphor conversation... but before that, when we were still watching movies, we had a bowl of melted chocolate, and lots of marshmallows... that was so yummy ^-^ And, and, Skye spiked my milo! With coffee! I don't like coffee. But she thought I needed caffeine (I didn't) so she put it in there anyway, and I could tell, before I even had a sip, I could smell it, even though it was like, one eighth of a teaspoon of coffee and four teaspoons of milo. My super nose can detect your secretive caffeination! Anyway, the salad/haystack/puppy thing was interesting. Anisha (no idea how to spell her name >.<) was saying that they say when you fall off a horse you need to get back on right away or you won't be able to get back on at all, and she was saying that relationships-wise, she had fallen off the horse, and not only had she not got back on, but she had run to the other side of the paddock, into the stable, locked the door, grabbed a pitchfork, and hidden in a haystack. And we had all these strange extended metaphors involving Mr Rights and their ability to create bicycles out of horse bones (long story) and whether she should feed the hay to the horse or what. And then somehow or other Skye's relationship was compared to a salad, and there was a discussion about whether tomato should be mushed into the carpet or washed and put back into the salad if it falls on the floor. Very long story indeed. The puppy thing was strange and irrelevant... irrelevant, I tells ya... Terri was asleep so we couldn't involve her, but we decided to compare Ryan to a plank of wood. No, I didn't get it either, but it seemed to make sense to Anisha and maybe Skye, at the time, and it was like, 5.30 in the morning and we were still giggling madly, and Skye's mum got up and went to work before we fell asleep. It was... interesting. Fun.
Anyway, Freya had a pile of friends over yesterday/last night and they made one hell of a lot of noise, and two of them in particular were keeping the others awake longer than they wanted to be, and they were all very insane and whatnot and apparently they got almost-kicked-out of a café earlier in the day for being too noisy, which really didn't surprise me too much. But still. I slept through all their noise because I was so tired ^-^

Anyway, I be's bored. I've been doing pretty much nothing at all all day =) Mother and Freya keep not letting me make plans because they say "we'll go to the art gallery today", and then they go off and make other plans. So we don't end up going and in the meantime, they haven't let me go out and do stuff. Gr.
Bleh, I'm all confused and whatnot about how I'm feeling at the moment. But because it's a how-I'm-feeling that involves other people, I'm not gonna go into it.
Anyways, I'm off.

"I'll bus you good!"

I had a good day.
...
:)

I hope everybody else did, too ^-^

... meow?

Right-o, my weekend:
Saturday was le awesome. The folk festival was freaking great, the band Doris especially, they were awesome. Their song Waltz of the Righteous Man in particular was good. Being a song about George Bush and with a chorus of "God knows he means it, God won't let him fall, God bless America... God help us all", it was sure to go down well with a folk festival crowd. Yay anti-Bush sentiments ^-^
Anyway, I went from there pretty much straight to ze party, which was, uh, interesting...
Well, certain people got totally drunk. As in, ninety percent of the alcohol was drunk by about twenty percent of the people. Which meant that through out the night there were such interesting events as three girls being sick into each others hair, and what sounded like a whale-giving-birth imitation from Hayley. I'm sorry, but that really is how she sounded. I have also never heard the phrase "I can walk on my own! *crash*" so often in one night before. But yeah. Also the what-appeared-to-be-a-nervous-breakdown-of-some-sort from Ryan was sort of scary. Scary in that it took two guys to hold onto him and stop him wandering off and getting lost in the bush or falling into a dam or something. That was just a tad stressful. But yeah... I actually got to bed reasonably early... I just didn't sleep much... heh... yeah... it was the mattress's fault. Darn small mattresses... And there was yummy food in the morning! Kim and Bailey-guy and Lachlan went home overnight, Kim cause she was bored with the drunk people, Bailey cause I dunno and Lachlan cause I-think-I-know-but-it-wouldn't-be-nice-to-say. But yes... yummy foodz! I'm not actually sure what it was, but it was nice, except for the burnt fried salt whatever it was. The nachos were good too. Wonderful healthy breakfast =)
Anyway, I got home, crashed, and slept till about four, and then headed back out to the folk festival. Which proceeded to be absolutely awesome ^-^ We saw a band of young people who were really, really good, and then there was... dun dun dun... the Beatles singalong! Which I missed last year and was really bummed about. But I saw it this year and it was awesome ^-^
I have videos and pics from it which I will upload at some stage and either post on my blog or just post the links to. So yeah, that was awesome, and the other awesome thing was that my sister saved me easter eggs from the easter egg hunt I missed.
But yeah... that was my weekend. Not very exciting, really, but definitely enjoyable. For me, anyway. Now I have some essay thing to do, the ToK one I mentioned before. Nerh.
Eurgh, my hair needs a wash...
Anyway, how was everyone's weekends? Spammerise my email/IM with accounts of your weekends, everyone.
Okies, I'm off. Mwa, mwa, you're all awesome. ^-^

zomg blog (Yay Lack of Capital Letters in My Title!)

If you don't like being confused, skip the first two paragraphs.

I have yummy orange cake and tea ^-^
Why do I have yummy orange cake and tea?
Because mother brought me yummy orange cake and tea from downstairs.
Why?
Why causal, why what? Why? Because she moved her arms and legs to carry the plate and cup and thus was propelled up the stairs.
But why-why. Why did she choose to bring me the tea and cake?
Because she wants me to eat, because she thinks I don't eat enough. Also because she wants to encourage me to do my theory of knowledge essay.
Why does she want me to do this essay?
Because she is a silly and wonderful mother who worries about me, and I should do this essay now.
First order desire is to write blogs, eat cake, and drink tea. Second order desire is to want to work. I want to want to work, but in reality I just want food and drink.

As you may be able to tell, doing theory of knowledge stuff messes with my head.
The questioning of the 'why's and 'because's is stuff about cause and effect and how it's approached from various angles. Biological view explains what muscles move to cause this or that to happen. Other views are along the lines of "because she wants to feed her daughter" and evolutionarily - "because she wants her children to survive and pass her genes on down" or, from a more nurturing perspective - "because she is a good mother".
It's all very silly.
That's why I like thinking...
The first/second order desire is free will stuff.
Free will is my current assignment's topic. I may post what I have so far underneath this blog, but after it. Usually the most recent post is at the top, so I'll have to post it afterwards but set the post time so that blogger thinks it was posted earlier, so that it appears underneath this post.
Anyway... the orange cake and tea are nice.

So the folk festival thing, yeah. I'm not sure what day I'm actually going now, because I have this assignment to do, and I'll either do the assignment today and early-ish tomorrow, and go on Monday, or do it today and Monday and go tomorrow. We decided (mother and I) against going today, because I want to go on the same day as Freya goes, and I can't go on more than one day (yay lack of money >.<), and Freya gets back from Queensland (along with Bridie, Connor and Dad) tonight, so. We can all go tomorrow, which should be fun. Or else on Monday. But y'know, they're always half-closed on the last day, which sucks. Anybody who's going, as I've said, poke me and say hi, it'd be cool to have someone else to talk to.

So yeah, I went for a walk with mum this morning (by morning I mean about one in the afternoon, but y'know, me and any-time-before-midday-on-a-non-school-day do not get along well). We wandered up round Oakey Hill... I don't know if I'm spelling that right... I've lived near-ish the base of that hill since I was two months old and I don't know how to spell it ^-^ Almost as bad as still not knowing my way around Woden. Pfft, I don't need to know my way around: I always go with people who know their way around, and I can just follow them. Anyway, went walking with mother this morning, and realised how much I missed exercise. I have, for the past couple of years, avoided exercise as much as at all possible. And, while I haven't got fat or anything, it really has made a difference to how I feel. Being lazy makes me feel lethargic, and it makes my mind sleepy. And then when I get up, I have too much energy and I get jittery and easily distracted. So a sleepy mind and short attention span are really not much fun. But after the DDR-ing yesterday and the walking today, I was reminded of how I used to feel after playing tennis or going running with Mum or Freya, or riding with Dad or the cousin-family. It's wonderful. It's better than caffeine. (Shock! I hear at least two people plotting my death for even suggesting that anything could be better than caffeine. One I know is likely to read this. Jess, don't kill me. (Pretty please)(... with a cherry on top)) It's the exact opposite of the feeling I get from being lazy - my body's tired but my mind's awake. Now, that makes it much, much easier to get work done, and much easier to get to sleep, and I generally feel better. So, I'm thinking maybe I could actually get outside and do some exercise these holidays, as opposed to lying in bed all day everyday, which is what I usually do in the holidays. Maybe go for a ride around the lake with Freya, or poke the family into heading over to the Yarralumla tennis courts. I dunno. I just need to get outside more often >.<

(Long blog! Oh, man, I haven't written a long blog in ages! Maybe it was the lack of exercise...)

My nana's staying with us for a while. I dunno how long. I don't even know how long she's in Canberra for, let alone how long she's actually spending with my family. She'll spend some time at Adair's, too (Adair is my mother's sister, in case I haven't mentioned that a bazillion times yet), so I dunno. Anyway, my nana is awesome. Have I already ranted about her in one of my long posts? I'm pretty sure I have. Click 'people' at the bottom of the post and see if anything about her comes up. Nana Ilma is great ^-^ I argue with her a lot, but I can also get on really, really well with her. What kind of person can you be mad at and adore at the same time? Well, she is very, very similar to me, but far more intelligent and wise, of course. And you know my obsession with grammar and spelling? Hers is worse. It's scary. We have too much in common to be able to get along all the time, but when we do, it's great.

Damnit, I've run out of tea.

Heh, it's funny, you know, other people's caffeine addictions. I don't drink coffee, and I don't even really drink coke anymore. I don't like coffee, and while I don't mind coke, I prefer lemonade or flavoured milk. And I refuse to drink something just for its caffeine content. Just like I refuse to drink alcohol purely to get drunk (So shush up, Misters Graham and Ryan). If it doesn't taste good, I'm not drinking it, damnit, and I don't like the tastes of most alcoholic drinks, so I don't drink them. I don't like the taste of coffee, so I don't drink it. Besides, can anyone imagine me full of caffeine? Does it seem like a bad idea? Yes, I thought so. Anybody who saw me on a milo-high last year will know. Bad, bad idea. Milo or pocky. Dangerous. Anyway, I was just reminded of caffeine by my tea. Tea has caffeine in it. I only drink it because it tastes good to me. And tea is the most caffeinated thing I drink ^-^

I just went downstairs to put my mug and plate in the sink, and was randomly thinking how strange the extent to which people are affected by smells is. That probably seems really random. But I have a freakishly good sense of smell. And there's some scientific thing about how smell is the sense most associated with memories. I can recognise people by the way they smell (in a good way. In a good way. Not saying that people smell bad, just smell), and when I went downstairs I got caught in a hug from Nana, and it was like... memories I have associated with nana's scent - her brushing my hair when I was about seven, going into year one, and mother was always a violent hair-brusher, because she was always in a hurry. With nana, she brushed all our hair, we'd sit on the floor in front of her chair and she'd be so, so gentle. My sisters and I used to fight over who got to have her hair brushed by nana, and who was doomed to have half her hair pulled out and several hair brushed broken by mother. I blame her for my tendency to pat people's hair. It's all her fault. ^-^ But yeah, other memories from nana's smell... hm... bouncing along the beach when I was really little, and running around nana trying to get her to skip with me, which she can't do cause of her messed up knees... a lot of memories of her coming and going at the airport. So the airport is associated with nana. Because she lives in Queensland, there's always a sort of special occasion sense to seeing her. All my grandparents live in Queensland, so I don't get to see them much =(

But yes, that I can recognise people by their smell is sort of amusing... I also recognise people by the way they stand, so I can recognise silhouettes pretty well, and I recognise feet because I sit on the floor so much, and don't like to look up at people, so I just watch their feet. I recognise voices really well, too. And the way in which people talk. Give me a block of text from anyone I talk to regularly, and I'll be able to work out who wrote it from mannerisms and habits of speech. Well, a block of text of the same sort that I usually get. Like, I couldn't recognise somebody's essays. People sound completely different in essays. Not that there's really sound in writing... but still... I'm pretty good with recognising handwriting, provided I see it often enough. I just can't tell the difference between mum's and Freya's sometimes... but like, I could recognise now Becky's, Jared's, or Madeleine's handwriting, because I saw it so much last year, even though I haven't seen them writing since... yeah, last year.
I recognise people and remember them easily ^-^ Which is sort of annoying... because I always remember people's names, and they never remember mine. I'm always 'so-and-so's friend', or, or, somebody's something, and it annoys me. I'm nobody's anything, really, I'm just me. But I quite like to belong to other people... it gives me a better sense of how I fit into things... and I'm... like... what's the opposite of possessiveness? Some people are possessive, I'm not un-possessive, I just like to be on the receiving end of it. It makes me feel wanted ^-^

But yeah... wow... long, long blog...
Does this make up for filling my blog with blogthings and blogthings only for the past month or so?
It better do.
It's your turn to update, Jess. Your blog needs updating, damnit! If you update your blog, I'll take back what I said about caffeeeeeine! *wheedle* Or Mel. You update your blog, too. Mel and Jess, update your blogs. Becky, you update yours too, if you haven't already. Anybody else with blogs, update your damn blogs! I have nothing to read ='(
Look at that sad face! You're making it cry!
Update!
Damnit.
^-^

I'm not really an angry person.
I just like to shout.
^-^

More random still:
I have the music from Mr. Men stuck in my head. You know, Mister Happy and Mister Dizzy and Mister Bump (He was blue and round and had a bandage around his head. Which was also his body. Did anyone else ever notice that the Mister Men had their body and head all in one?) and whatnot. There were Little Miss Sunshine and Little Miss Forgetful and all the other Little Misses, too (For a while I had a Little Miss Psycho MSN display picture. Happy little girl with a hat and a flower... and a knife...). But I noticed when I went downstairs before, on top of the TV was this old Mr. Men tape. And now I have the voice of the narrator of the cartoon stuck in my head, as well as the plodding, content sort of music that was the song... do do do do do do do do... do do do, do do do do, dooo...
I also have the word 'bizarre' stuck in my head.
My hair smells edible.
My ankle is itchy.
My mother is washing the stairs...
There is an awesome sunset over Woden Valley right now that I think I'll go watch.
I like sunsets...
I here the music from 'As Time Goes By' downstairs... I remember that show... I remember Keeping Up Appearances, too. Who remembers that? I remember all these shows I used to watch before I started school... midday TV...

Anyway, I'm off.
There will probably be a blog on Monday detailing (or vague-description-ing) my awesome weekend.
If not, you'll just have to imagine how much fun I had.
Mwa, mwa, toodles ^-^

(... wasn't Toodles a character in Peter Pan? Wasn't he the one who lost his marbles, literally?... I'll stop talking (eventually), don't worry ^-^ )

(Written: 5:41 pm Fri. 6th March. April, rather. >.> Ignore actual post-time)

ToK Essay so far...

-- Keep in mind that this is a combination of an essay and notes at the moment... mostly I'm explaining stuff to myself and using extreme points of view to provoke myself into writing something--

Introduction
Do we as humans have the capacity to choose our actions?
Summarise each, discuss question (and importance), blah.
Important – moral responsibility, important in human society, legal/moral consequences – if people have no choice as to how they act, then they can't be held responsible. Social accountability assumes that we do have this free will to choose between doing the right thing and the wrong thing.

What is free will? (definition)
So-and-so defines free will as saying "the agent [the person acting] has the capacity to choose his or her course of action". Free will isn't just doing whatever you want, it's choosing which of the things you want is the best. Choosing between first and second order desires (or third, fourth, whatever).

Free will:
we're totally in control
we're morally responsible
if we had complete free will…
If we have free will, and we are completely in control of our choices and actions, then we are also completely morally responsible for the consequences of those choices.

Some philosophers call being able to choose not to follow our first impulses free will. (connects paragraphs/sections – or, put in one or the other. Probably second)

1st and 2nd order desires:
1st = impulse
2nd = what we want to want/review – "is this a good idea, or a bad idea?"
2nd is what constitutes free will, controlling thoughts and impulses

There must be a will before there is voluntary action.
The impulse is the first thing you want to do in reaction to something, or when faced with a choice. People don't necessarily act on impulse. Second order desire is what stops people acting impulsively. A second order desire is a desire to want to do something, or a desire for a first order desire. So the first order desire is what you immediately want to do, and the second order desire is what you want to want to do, what you feel you should do (what you feel is morally right or socially acceptable), or what reason tells you you should do (e.g., delayed gratification – wait longer for more rewards, as opposed to impulse of taking less straight away).

Free action – free will is nothing if you can't act on it
Free action is more like freedom; more what people define as freedom. Free action is the ability to act on a choice made by free will. If you decide, using your free will, that you want to, say, go to the shops, then free action is being able to go to the shops, without being stopped by any physical (or psychological) impediment.

Determinism:
Mini intro – 'lots of theories bla bla'
P+L=F (given a set 'p' or 'past', and a set 'L' or 'laws of nature', there can only be one 'f' or 'future'; there is only one way that things can turn out and it is all decided from the beginning of everything… big bang/whatever)
On a smaller scale: upbringing, environment, biology, psychology…
Theological determinism – does God have some big plan? (In which case, do our individual choices and actions matter?)

Determinists argue that action is predetermined. On a large scale, this is often argued with the logic that given a set past, and set laws of nature, there can only be one future; one way for things to end up. On a smaller scale, our choices can be determined by the way we're brought up, by our environment, by our biology, our psychology, or anything else that limits the options we have (elaborate).

(Free will affected by tastes, limit experiences by values and blah, could be for free will or for determinism)

Compatibility/Incompatibility:
if A is action, then changing A changes P or L somehow – we do have free will, and if we could choose to do something different in different circumstances, or if P or L were different – reasoning = choosing = acting
We have no free will at all because everything is determined OR we have complete free will because nothing is determined (incompatibility)

Can we have free will if determinism is true?
No: We might think we're making free choices, but they've been determined by something that's happened before (or a lot of things that have happened before).
No: We do have free will, and determinism isn't true. (We can alter the outcome by choosing to act in a different way)
Yes: Determined end, free will means. So our actions are up to us, but it will all end up the way that deterministic logic says it has to. Individual actions have individual consequences, but in 'the grand scheme of things', it's all irrelevant. Individuals can make their own little world, but they're not here for long, and they're not taking up a lot of space, so they're not really going to have a major effect on the outcome of whatever.

Conclusion: