Long long long

You are female.
You are in high school.
You dropped out of high school.
You graduated within the last 5 years.
You live on your own. (Far from it!)
You live within 20 minutes of your best friend.
You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed. (Live with him!)
You live within 20 minutes of your ex.
You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours.
You have been to the movies within the last week.
You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year.
You have been a designated driver.
You have broken merchandise and not paid for it.
You have played strip poker.
You are Catholic.
You are atheist.
You recycle regularly.
You are a brunette.
You have dated a blonde.
You are friends with a redhead.
You are taller than your mom.
You have a checking account.
You’ve written a check for less than $5.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty.
You have visited the Eiffel Tower.
You have visited Big Ben.
You have visited the Coliseum.
You have visited The Great Wall of China.
You have never been out of the country.
You have been a waiter/waitress.
You own a Bible.
You own something with a Pentagram on it.
You have used an Ouija Board.
You have been a witch for Halloween.
You have been a zombie for Halloween.
You have been a Disney character for Halloween.
You don’t celebrate Halloween.
You have your belly button pierced.
You have your tongue pierced.
You have your eyebrow pierced.
You have a Monroe piercing.
You have your nose pierced.
You have an ankle tattoo.
You have a wrist tattoo.
You have a back tattoo.
You have no tattoos.
You have more than 5 tattoos.
You straighten your hair.
You have worn a dress in the last 3 days.
You live somewhere that gets snow.
You celebrate Hanukkah.
You were at your own house last New Year’s. (best NYE ever)
You were at a bar last New Year’s.
You slept through last New Year’s.
You have worked on Christmas Eve.
You have worked on Christmas.
You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today.
You were told by someone who’s not family.
You slept in your own bed last night.
You are dating the last person you kissed.
You regret kissing the last person you kissed.
You enjoyed your last kiss.
You are wearing a necklace right now.
You are wearing something red.
You are wearing something blue. (jeans?)
You are wearing something purple.
Your phone number ends with an even number.
You have kissed the last person you called/texted.
You are currently listening to music.
You are waiting for something.
You don’t like seafood.
You have eaten deer sausage.
You have given a complete stranger your phone number.
You have been hit on at work.
You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you.
You have been whistled at.
You were creeped out by it.
You are a good speller.
You are very punctual.
You were dating someone in December of 2008.
You are still dating that person.
You have cheated on someone.
You have been cheated on.
You have been on a cruise ship.
You have camped out in your own backyard.
You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you.
You are a Pisces.
You are a Leo.
You are a Capricorn.
You have Irish heritage.
You have Polish heritage.
You have Japanese heritage.
You have Israeli heritage.
You have German heritage.
You have Portuguese heritage.
You have French heritage.
You have Norwegian heritage.
You have Korean heritage.
You were born in May.
You were born in June.
You were born in October.
You wonder what will happen when you die.
You are afraid of the dark.
You write in all capital letters.
You have been told you have nice handwriting.
You have had a song written for you.
You have had a picture drawn of you.
You have curly hair.
You are wearing a watch.
You are wearing flip flops.
You wouldn’t date someone who smoked.
You know someone with the same birthday as you.
You are a morning person.
You are a night owl.
You slept in past 10am today.
You have big plans for next weekend.
You are thinking of someone right now.
Your job is stressing you out.
You don’t have a job.
You have never had a job.
You were fired from your last job.
You know sign language.
You made your bed today.
You will make your bed tomorrow. (Andrew always kicks off the sheets.)
You are pessimistic by nature.
You have taken a ballet class.
You have taken karate.
You have taken gymnastics.
You wish on shooting stars.
You wish at 11:11.
Your birthday has already come this year.
You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
You ended your last relationship.
Your ex ended your last relationship.
You are over your ex.
You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you.
You have let someone use you.
You have been in a physically abusive relationship.
You are engaged.
You are married.
You are divorced.
You have a child.
You were/are a teenage mom.
You were named after someone.
You like your name.
Your last drink was water.
You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’.
You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going.
You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’.
You are self-conscious about your body.
You have a hangover.
You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house.
You have pet fish.
You live on a farm.
You live in a trailer.
You live in Montana.
You live in South Carolina.
You live in Illinois.
You live in Maryland.
You live in New Mexico.
You have godparents.
Your parents are still married.
You have step-siblings.
You are the oldest.
You are adopted.
You have a twin.
You don’t want kids.
You want more than four kids.
You have a bad temper.
You have made out with a complete stranger.
You usually make the first move in an intimate situation.
You regret losing your virginity.
You lost your virginity to someone the same age as you.
You lost your virginity to someone you were dating.
You lost your virginity before you were sixteen.
You have worked with a Kayla.
You have gone to the movies with a Jared.
You have hugged a Lexi.
You have held hands with a Marcus.
You have dated a Rachel.
You have kissed a Kevin.
You have ridden in a car with a Nicole.
You have had class with a Patrick.
You have gone out to eat with a Chloe.
You know a Kyle in the military.
You are related to a Julie.
You have gotten drunk with a Brent.
You have broken your arm.
You have had to get stitches on your face.
You have had an MRI.
Your fingernails are painted.
Your fingernails are painted black.
You like to read.
You like to cook.
You like to draw.
You can play an instrument.
You keep a lot of secrets from people.
You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you.
You don’t trust people easily.
You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone.
You drive a car older than a 2002.
You have lost a friend you never thought you would.
You know a child who died of cancer.
You know a teenager who died in a car wreck.
You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours.
You have cut your hair in the last week.
You wear glasses.
You have been pulled over for speeding. (Got speed-vanned but never pulled over.)
You love to drive with the windows down.
Your favourite season is autumn.
Your favourite colour is orange.
Your favourite animal is a dolphin.
You last rode in a car with a relative.
You last rode in a car with a girl.
You last rode in a car with the person you are dating.
You regularly watch soap operas.
You love Italian food.
You love Mexican food.
You love Chinese food.
Your best friend is older than you.
You have to go to school/work tomorrow.
You answered every question truthfully.

New Year's Empty Promises To Self

Yeah, pretty much.
I kind of didn't make any on NYE?
But I have somehow coincidentally eaten vegetables (SHOCK!) and drunk water (SCANDAL!) on more than one consecutive day. So I figure why not, I can call those resolutions for as long as I stick to 'em, and coincidence when I get bored.
I should probably also keep up this habit of brushing my teeth daily? Yeah, before they all fall out.
Other things:
- My deviantART and blogspot have been left somewhat unattended... Perhaps I ought to take photos worthy of dA and think thoughts worthy of the web? That'll do for some more resolutions.

- This evening, on the way home from work, A. and I went through the supermarshay to get some of those salad-in-a-box things and a 90c packet of plastic forks. Then instead of going home to eat in silence in front of our individual computers, we went down to the grassy edge of the lake and lay in the warm shade - as opposed to the baking sunshine - to eat our din-dins, read bits of newspaper, and generally relax. The point of this story, besides smugness that occasionally spontaneous and romantic things do happen in my relationship, is that this sort of thing ought to happen more often. That can be another resolution. Oh and once we've had our holimaday and paid of the credit card and oh god money woes breathe alright okay once we have enough money again we're striking up a new habit, of going to Zefirelli's on Sunday nights and taking home the leftovers for lunches.

- I should probably acquire some friends. Ones who aren't uni students or mothers! Much as I love my academically and maternally inclined friends <3 I need Moar friends, and these Moar friends need to be easily accessible on weekends (no assignments or young babbies!) I suppose the best way of going about this is

- Oh god I need a fucking hobby. A hobby that is not fucking. One with people besides myself and the Boy! (Although that could still be fucking...)

- Also a new job! Preferably one with people I get along with. Well, I discovered where all the good people are at work... at the other end, with all the good children and the relaxing rooms - the infants + young toddlers. Those bastards! They were hiding! Except of course I can't go and work down that end "for at least six months" (quote from director) and I don't think I can stand my job for that long.


Fortunately (out of dot point land now!) my holidays only ended last weekend, and I have another week off, the last week of January. A. and I are going to Melbourne for the week, spending two nights with the Boy's Melburnian friend and ex-housemate, two nights in a "mystery deal" 4.5 star hotel (which looks perfectly fine!... you find out what hotel after you pay) which was $129 a night. We love you wotif.com! Weeee wuuuubbbb ooooo! And two nights in the best suite of a 5 star hotel that looks absolutely lovely, and was $600 for both nights! Exciting times. We plan to eat out a lot (food, that is...) , visit one of my maternally-inclined friends who lives in Melbourne, hopefully meet up with both my ex-Canberran, now Victorian friends, meet up with the Melbourne mx-5 club and generally potter around the CBD.
Very excited.

Alright. Time to stick with that other resolution about spending some time with the Boy. Time to... watch Mythbusters on our lounge mattress!

Yay?

Proper post will be here some other time, maybe Friday. Certainly on a Friday or Monday.

Bad, money-spending Caitlin

I was extra naughty today and bought a dress (plus a bajillion pairs of brightly coloured underwear and some mentos).


I love how it looks from the back :)

Songs Which I Know By Their Ad-Jingle-Cousins

INXS's By My Side is 'the NRMA song'
Creedence Clearwater's Heard It Through The Grapevine is the Sultana Bran song ("sultanas from the grapevine, make sultana bran taste so fine, sweet tasty sultanas from the grapeving, tastes so good I want it all the time")
Creedence Clearwater's Down on the Corner is the Makin' Mattress's song ("Quality items, always for less, factory direct is how we buy them, here at Makin' Mattresses!")
Hoodoo Gurus' What's My Scene is the "That's my team" song ("and another thing, I've been wondering lately, if I'm a bit crazy, for my rugby league team")
Andrew is going to kill me for these, but honest, there is nothing wrong with it! :P

WHUUUUUUBBBBLE

Older and Younger All At Once

So, uh, hi.
It's been a while.
Since April, apparently.
Grarr my monitor is doing some horrible shadow thing.
Nonetheless.
Life has been going goodfully. Before I blog on, I was going to scan some bloggish thing I was writing in maths but the scanner is in use, so I shall just type it up and hope it isn't too horribly long.


This stupid teacher marks us as 'absent' if we don't do enough work in class. If I get any more absences I'll v-grade and not be able to get out of here early. So I'm scribbling here w/ my book open and occasionally tapping on a calculator.
Okay, the things I have to do to finish early:
- ToK essay (now)

- English essay (Fri.)
- ToK oral (Wed.)
- English oral (oh shite, check due date)
- Maths in-class (Fri.)
- Any drama theory from now on
- Anything from psych. - corss-line testing?
- WEX in wk 10
- Give blood
- What else can I do as back-up?
Also, ew, I need new glasses. tjese are so icky.
But yeah, all of that list is do-able, and then I can get out of here in six weeks ^_^
And then I can move to Melbourne with Andrew. I'm excited. I think I'll be able to do it. I wouldn't on my own, but Andrew helps me to do anything I want to.
Woo. Deb (student services lady who is orchestrating this great escape for me) came in and I signed the thing saying I wasn't doing the AST. It just makes everything feel much more real =)
So does talking to Andrew about housing options. The idea of owning a house with him is exciting. I mentioned Melbourne to Stuart on MSN the other night. He said, "I'll be interested to see how long it takes you to come back." I know a lot of people probably think it's a rash decision, but I won't die or anything if it doesn't work out. I can always come back here to my family.
Mmm... in lighter news, Skye's having a party tonight =) It means that Andrew will get to meet Maddie before she goes back to New Zealand. Plus I can take my camera and get a bunch of photos to fill my photo album with =) It's a pretty photo album that Skye bought for me. Also I really need a party to relax in. Not that I really relax at parties.
Well, I relax in my own way. Which is by... not relaxing. By watcching everyone else get trashed and then taking care of them.
I'll have to scan this, put it on my blog along w/ a bit of an update, and get back into this whole bloggy thing. It's a good outlet for the overflow of thoughts I have. Of course, so is Andrew, but he's not always with me, and I like to write down thoughts.
Ooh, speaking of internettage - www.wastedtalent.ca - an awesome nerdy and cute webcomic look into the life of a rare creature - the female engineering student. If you like xkcd, chances are you'll like Wasted Talent.
Whee! Now to find some other way to waste the last few minutes of maths.
Caitlin

____


So what's all this about Melbourne, you ask?
Weeelll...
Andrew has been thinking about moving to Melbourne to work, and he raised the topic with me with the sentence, "I want to move to Melbourne for working, but I would have to leave you behind, and I don't want to leave you behind." So I said, straight up, "I'll come with you, then. Provided you want me to."
So after the two of us basically saying it casually, we thought about it. Andrew has been looking into housing (which appears to be a hell of a lot cheaper than ours here) and I had been readying myself to live without him for a couple of months because he would likely move down there pretty quickly after the end of this semester, and I would have had to finish school. And then Deb suggested I do accredited instead of tertiary, because that way I can get out of school, which is really not working for me, without dropping out as such. Which really kills two birds with one stone, in that I can now finish school and then move with Andrew whenever he does. Yes, I have thought about this properly, thank you very much. No, I have not yet raised the issue with my parents. I'd rather wait till I finish this term of school so that neither I nor they are worrying about school on top of it. Also by then, Andrew and I will have been going out a little longer and the parents will hopefully object less to the "But you've only been going out BLA long" side of it. Anyone who's seen Andrew and I together knows why we're so sure of ourselves as a couple.It's just right, it just works, without even having to think about it. But of course we don't spend a lot of time together in front of my parents, so they may not have seen that... it'd be good if I could spend a couple of weeks living with Andrew in Canberra, just to sort of check it out a little closer to home, but y'know.
Ooh, also in handy and nice news for me, I am about 2/3 of the way to getting my Ps.
I have 13 out of the 22 competencies from the lobgook marked off, leaving nine to go. So this means I will have my Ps by the time I finish school, which frees me up a hell of a lot, makes working easier (I have a job! I will get to that shortly), and may mean that I can stay over at Andrew's on weeknights more easily. This is joys for me :)
Then I just need to learn how to drive Andrew's Car. I can drive auto, I can drive manual, but Andrew's Car, she is a special creature, I will have to gain her trust before she will let me drive her.
But yes, a job! I look after a couple of kidlets on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and will soon start teaching them piano on Wednesday afternoons. This should get me about $60 a week for 5 hours work. Now, they live gloriously close to my house - our streets basically come off opposite sides of the same more major street. But I would get paid more if I could collect them from school in a car, which I can currently not do. So, Ps would help with that.
What else...
Oh, Skye's party :)
It was pretty darn good, but I forgot my camera. However, one of the other people there had a camera and I'm in a couple of photos along with Maddie, Skye and Andrew, and I think also one of Mandy, so I am sending pokage via people in an attempt to get this person to upload the party photos to facebook, and then I can steal them... for my collection... mwahahah... :)

So uh yeah
That's basically what's been happening.
And I feel so much better than I've ever done before.
I feel older and younger all at once.
I feel safer, more confident, I can rely on myself more, but at the same time, I feel curious about the world again, I can try things out, I am not constantly apathetic and lethargic.
Life is good.
Certain aspects are meh, but in general it is good and in Andrew terms it is wonderful. Even school's not so bad now because it's nearly done and I have something to work towards.
Yay :)

Will hopefully keep up with updating a little more for a while longer before I forget again and then remember again with another burst of words.

Ooh, also Andrew builded me a puter! Which I am using now <3

Only More Of This Sort Of Thing

From each letter of the alphabet write a word connected with you

A: Andrew. Hehe. Funny he's the first thing that comes to mind for A =P
B: Boredom. I am unfortunately very easily bored.
C: Caitlin, cause it's my name =P
D: Drawing. I love it, even though I'm not particularly good.
E: Elephants. I have a bit of an obsession with them on occasion.
F: Fuck! Heh. Need I say more?
G: Grinning. I like it.
H: Hugs. I love them. They make my world.
I: Internet =P Because I live here in the intarwebz, my house is this screen.
J: Jelly, cause I love it. Especially vodka jelly ;P
K: Kisses, cause they're sweet. And something I do a lot =P
L: Love. It's an addiction of mine.
M: Mind. Mine doesn't make a whole lot of sense most of the time, but it's getting better (thank you).
N: NOODLES! Cause I love instant noodles more than is healthy =P
O: Octave, for music. Obsessive, cause I am. Observer, cause that's what I do.
P: Persistent. In an annoying way. Photography, cause I love it.
Q: Questions. "Why, why, why, why, why?" - although Robbie's suggestion is 'quirky', which I find amusing =P
R: RANDOM! That was so obvious but took me ages to think of -.-"
S: Silly. In a childish kinda way. I like being silly.
T: Thinking, cause I do too much of it.
U: Undressed. I'm like that a lot of the time =P
V: Vent. I'm good for venting shit at. Like rage and whatnot.
W: Weird - and proud :D
X: X-rated =P (tee hee)
Y: Yellow. It makes me feel happy.
Z: zzZZZ (sleepy sleepy sleepy)

One of These

1. What's the one door you wish you'd never opened? Er... probably one with naked people behind it. But ugly naked people. No, I don't know. Haven't a clue.
2. What is your most obsessive thought? "Why?"
3. Where is your favourite place in the world, and why? Pulled over by the side of Cotter Road, sitting in Andrew's car and talking for five hours straight.
4. What's the one thing your parents don't understand about you? How much I love sex :P
5. If you could relive a single day or moment, what would it be? 4th January, gazebo thing in Eddison Park, stroking Andrew's hair.
6. What were the strangest circumstances under which you have been intimate? Depends how you've been intimate - if not-quite sex counts then there are a HUGE bunch that you do not want to know at all. If only sex counts, there's only a RATHER SUBSTANTIAL bunch.
7. Under what circumstances have you been closest to death? Er... hm. I don't know?
8. What is the most gracious act of kindness you have witnessed? I don't know. All my friends are graciously kind so none in particular stand out, though I was impressed at the calmness Andrew managed while being terribly nice to a girl who reversed into his car, completely destroying the door.
9. What is the worst betrayal you have ever experienced? I haven't really, as such, been betrayed. Though I have been shocked in rather nasty ways.
10. What is the most bizarre thing you have seen or done? Seen - me. Done - Andrew ;)
11. What is the greatest risk you have ever taken? Erm... *coughthebaycough* maybe.
12. What is your earliest, most vivid memory? Building the most AWESOME bridge-oid structure out of wooden blocks only to have it knocked down by a girl with a Dorothy the Dinosaur hat - whose name I believe was Victoria. This in preschool.
13. What is the most meaningful "I love you" spoken by you or to you? The first one from Andrew. That was pretty meaningful. Pretty goddamned meaningful. It made me very happy :P
14. What was the single most terrifying moment of your life? Probably the moment Stuart broke up with me - mostly because I was simply so confused and uncomprehending.
15. If you have experienced a moment of sudden faith or loss of faith, what prompted it? Ah... sudden faith - Andrew. Sudden loss of faith - well, I can't answer that without sounding bitchy - and who cares, anyway, Andrew brought it back to me :) By faith, I mean in humankind, and love, and happiness, and everything good. Not in any sort of religious way.
16. If you could take back one thing you have done, what would it be? Hrm... I can't really think of any.
17. What is your greatest talent or accomplishment? An amazing luck ;)
18. What is the most joyful moment you have experienced? Er... first time Andrew said 'I love you', first time he took me up Mt. Stromlo in his vroomy car, that time we spent ages at the side of the road talking about everything from emotions to the school system...
19. What is the most painful moment you have experienced? Huh, being dumped, easy.
20. Open Question: Submit your own question and answer. No answer is off-limits, and can be on any personal theme. Here is a sample list of 20: abortion, addiction, adolescence, break-ups, crime, death, depression, eating disorders, humor, lucky breaks, mental disorders, moral dilemmas, pets, poverty, racism, religion, sex, suicide, turning points, war.
Lucky Breaks: Andrew! He is my lucky break :) He is the BEST FARKING COINCIDENCE EVARR XD. I loves him muchly <3

Contentment > Pants.

Caitlin is bored, blog time!

Welp, not much has been happening lately - hence my boredom - but despite the lack of anything particularly exciting, I'm feeling pretty damn good.

Reasons that I would normally not feel good that for some reason (not pointing any fingers =p ) are not affecting me:
- Maattthhs! It bores the crap out of me! And we have some tedious assignment about the stock exchange! BLUGH!
- Psychology is also boring the crap out of me and we have an assignment.
- School in general is sucky.
- I have to audition in drama because for once I want a good part instead of always being the boring unnoticed background role.
- I miss Maddie and don't see enough of anyone else who is still here apart from Skye, and even then, time spent with her is never enough =p
- I am sleeping awfully.

Respective reasons why these things in particular don't really matter:
- Even if it's boring, it's easy as all hell and thankfully, so long as I don't let it mount up, should be simple to do.
- Same here for psychology. Plus, the essay topic's not too bad and should be relatively easy for me.
- Meh. It's school. It's meant to be sucky.
- Psh, if you want something you have to work for it.
- I can talk to everyone on the phone and on MSN, even if I don't see them.
- For some bizarre reason I'm not really needing much sleep at the moment, and a lot of my particularly sleepless nights are sleepless because Andrew is with me - best possible reason not to sleep.

I've been on an almost constant stream of good-mood-ness since the beginning of January. I mean, there have been upsets, but they're the right kind of upsets - I get upset BRIEFLY and then get over it quickly. This is a vast improvement on the way I've been since about year eight - getting upset over nothing for long periods of time and working myself into depressions.
And, I don't know, there's just been meh-ness. Since about year eight, I don't think anything triggered then apart from teenageyness, I've been kind of lost and confused about everything. I've been completely up and down - and while the highs were rather exhilarating, they felt hollow because I know a low would be coming, and the lows were dreadful - I've been confused myself, not really knowing who I was or anything about myself.
You know, people ask you about yourself and I would always be like, "I dunno." and then list flaws. But I think that's always been something that would be temporary; that just needed something to trigger it to end. For me that something has been Andrew. In him I discover everything I had loved and let go of - music (playing it and listening to it), photography, general madness, confidence, drawing... and a whole lot of new things.
The way I am, if somebody is enthusiastic about something, I tend to catch that enthusiasm. Andrew has introduced me to enjoying cars - though not knowing anything about them, that would be too much effort =p - to new wonders of the internet =p, to the power of not really caring what strangers think of you, and to the joy of knowing someone who really, REALLY gets you.
So yeah, I've been reminded of everything I used to do that made me me. I've been reminded that I can create my own world, pull in all the things that are important to me and weave them into who I am. I've been playing guitar, actually learning, and playing more piano. I've been drawing again, though still not much as I have also been doing things that I should - like walking the dog, making dinner, keeping up with my schoolwork - that take time. I've rediscovered the delights of spare time, and also of just sometimes not having it.
It's like a huge rush, and this great feeling of, "Oh, right! THIS is me! I remember, now!"

Anyway, yeah. Been feeling good. Got myself a deviantART, if you feel like checking it out here
, put up some of my better oldish photos, plus one or two newish ones.
And yeah... don't gots too much to say but 'Mmm...'
Contentment is so highly underrated.
Even more underrated than pants are overrated.

Caitlin's Commandments:

1. Anyone who likes the 'red' flavour (you know the one) is an infidel and must be shunned. Very shunned. (... with knives.)
2. Just because there is no reason to use such an extraneous or superfluous word as 'extraneous' or 'superfluous', does not mean one should not use said words. In fact, bonus points to those who do.
3. No. Just, no.
4. MySpace is a sin that sends you to... waiting for Firefly fans to jump in and beat me to the quote I'm about to use... A very special kind of hell. The kind of hell reserved for child molesters, and people who talk in theatres. NO MYSPACE. Everytime you create a myspace account, Caitlin stabs a midget. Please, think of the midgets.
5. Stop mocking me for being a freak. "Yes, I'm a freak, but I have rights!" (Oh swoon, Bernard Black, have my babies!)
6. Thou shalt have no other god but me... and also the following: Dylan Moran, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, any member of the Monty Python team (including any dead ones), a pleasant computer of your choice (if, however, it is shite, you will be smote [... smoten, smited, smitterised, I don't know]), Maddie, Skye, Andrew's happy-noise-joy-car-yay, or Andrew himself. Everyone else, not for worshipping. Or else... another midget bites the dust. And dust isn't very tasty, so we wouldn't want that. THINK OF THE MIDGETS!
7. The following items are holy: Pie. Pi. Instant noodles. Cupcakes with good icing. Especially good toasted sandwiches. Sex. Snuggles. Pillows. Bricks. Any combination of the last two. xkcd. Randomosity. A collection of obscure and extraneous/superfluous/for-those-of-you-who-are-not-walking-dictionaries-'unnecessary'-or-'irrelevant' words. Clear contact - the kind for covering books. Particularly comfortable, attractive, and cheap shoes. Also my lot. By lot I mean collection of random friends, family, and people-I-don't-know-but-maybe-if-I-did-I-might-like-them-and-maybe-we-could-be-friends-if-it's-not-too-much-trouble...
8. And lo, the Lord Lady declared that there were to be naps and joy, and there were naps and joy. Because naps are good. And joy is good. Fetch me my ice lolly.
9. Be polite. Always wear clean underwear (or none at all, if you are so inclined.) Don't judge. Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. Always have clean bedsheets. All of those kind of things. Otherwise, you will die bitter and lonely, upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.
10. PISS MIDGET!

Rain - Shel Silverstein.

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

~

Admittedly it is better before it starts getting silly... but yes... tis nice.

Music! Woo!

Meemix.com = Love
What it is, basically, is internet radio that learns what you like. You start by entering a song or artist, and it finds similar music. You teach it what to play and what not to play by rating the songs it gives you. It is similar to Pandora, which I used to use, but which no longer works outside of America, due to restrictions on the licence it currently operates under.

internet radio that gets you

My Rights Versus Yours - New Pornographers.

- New Pornographers Lyrics

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Fired (Well, actually, I just didn't get a job I applied for...)

1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player etc on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Comfortably Numb

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
And She Was

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kryptonite

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I Miss You

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Love Should

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Beautiful World

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
21st Century

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
10am Automatic

WHAT IS 2+2?
Here Without You

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
Won't Go Home Without You

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Slow Hands

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
My Friend Robot

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Zak & Sara (... multiple personalities?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
In My Arms

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Positively 4th Street

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Lips of an Angel (Erm... making out is a hobby/interest? Sadly one that I am failing to pursue right now :( )

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Monday (ahahahaha... crap)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
(Baby I've Got You) On My Mind (Hey, that's no secret =\ )

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Come Away With Me

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Fired

Jack Black Caused The Extinction Of The Dinosaurs (And Is A Terrible Actor, Which Is Nearly As Bad)

Oh my god, could it be, anything but that, no, not...
an update!

(Dun dun dun)
(Dramatic reverb + token crushing of native and gratuitous display of flesh)

I have double tea.
Two tea bags, twice as much milk, and twice as much sugar as normal people.
Because water is the boring part of tea.

As anyone pondering upon this will no doubt have surmised, I am procrastinating.
Psychology essay.
Also ToK essay.

What I have so far for my psych. one:
"Constructive memory" - rather than reconstructing & telling what happened, parts of or whole memories are constructed. This may be due to what we "know" should have happened (social sensibilities), suggestions (often unintentional) about details, or post-event acquisition of knowledge ("That guy was a serial killer" = "Yes, I definitely remember him carrying a gun")
- Only recall bits and pieces => invent links that make sense
- *retrieval cues* too broad => memories mix (three different visits to the park become one, for example, or a dream about a park and a general concept of what should happen at parks are mixed in)
- suggestion => "When the man and woman *crashed* into each other, how fast were they going? "Crash" makes people imagine that they must have been going quickly to 'crash' when in reality they may just have bumped while moving slowly. This is why 'leading questions' are not allowed from lawyers to witnesses in court trials.

Is okay so far? Considering that's just notes and vague outlines, yes?

I'm also checking out (vaguely) the general state of society in 1933 New York.
No reason :)
Apart from it being kind of useful in our English oral =P

We're discussing King Kong being a classic of the speculative fiction genre, and we need context. So context is my researching job tonight.
What we learned from watching the 2005 King Kong was that Jack Black cannot act.
Also his character is a nasty, nasty man.
He caused the extinction of the dinosaurs and the death of the only Sensitive New Aged Gorilla to ever exist - King Kong.
It was very heart-rending.
Especially how Sexy Beast Kong's death was so drawn out :(

I drew a picture.
It's slightly confusing.
And on the side I wrote:
Thoughts are not an effective hiding place.
Big words don't protect you.
You can't chase people away forever.
Sooner or later,
you're going to have to
let someone in.
I'm not even sure who I was thinking of. Possibly me. I tend to argue using unnecessarily long and complex words. I figure, if they don't understand me, their dislike can be brushed off as ignorance. I can always claim, if backed into a corner, that there was a linguistic misunderstanding, and somehow I am still right.
I have a problem with hiding in amongst my thoughts. I feel like a goldfish trying to hide in a tacky plastic seaweed.
I can claim to be thinking and being philosophical, when in reality my thoughts are flimsy and shallow. Caitlin = goldfish, thoughts = plastic seaweed.
I tend to argue with people as my first mode of defence. If I'm worried someone won't like me, I'll be rude to them.
The only way for me to feel confident is to push the needs and feelings of others out of my head until after I've got through a situation.
And then I feel horrible, and nobody has really interacted with me at all, making the whole bullshit process redundant.

I've been feeling odd over the past week or two.
Bad odd.
I realised I haven't been writing in my diary. Or on here. Instead I've been spilling to Stuart. I'm sure he's tiring of it. Perhaps writing here or trying to keep up the diarying will direct some of my whining away from him. He's a beautifully patient and tolerant person, but I'm terrified I'll push him to the point where he can't take any more of me.
He was upset about something today, and wouldn't tell me what it was. He wouldn't talk about it, and somehow that made me sad. Most of it was, "There's something so wrong he won't talk about it?" kind of worrying. But part of it was, "I tell you everything, I try to explain my actions and feelings to show you it's not you that makes me get upset like I do, and you can't trust me in return to tell me what's upsetting you"... in not telling me what the matter was, I guess he wasn't showing me that it wasn't my fault, which is all I would have needed short term. Very short term. Five minutes after that reassurance I would be worrying away again. I'm worrying terribly now...
I worry very much about my friends and the people I love.
I want to have them all in sight so that I can stop any harm coming to them.

Me and Maddie and Skye were talking last night, about how, if Skye and Luke were in an open relationship, and Luke went off and tried new things and then came back to Skye, she would know that they had something more than anything else they could find.
I sort of realised, that I can't let anyone go, not even for a moment, for fear that they won't come back. I need an emotional stranglehold on everyone around me, like a leash, I can't bear to see people leaving, even if it's only briefly.
So sometimes I get controlling. Stuart darling, if you wind up reading this, I'm sorry for clinging so much and not wanting to let you go ever, maybe this pondering is making some sense out of it.
I sometimes feel like I'm unintentionally being manipulative. Or that it might seem that way. And those times are the times where I insist that I am fine, or that I am too dignified/proud to cry in public, and ignore things that normally make me break down.
I wonder what other people wonder. I wonder how I might describe myself. I seem very contradictory.
Manipulative and sometimes naïve; childish and cynical; slightly tired of everything but curious about most other stuff. Often withdrawn but hyperactive. Stupid and nerdy. I don't really make a whole lot of sense.

Mlarp.

I'm out of credit (I'm out of money)
I hate not being able to call people. But several times during the last few days, not having any credit has probably been a good thing.
That is, it's stopped me, say, ringing Stuart in the middle of the night. Which I am currently really wanting to do. But I'd wake the siblings.
If I still really need to talk to him when I go to bed (and it's not like, 4am), I'll call him.

Eh, fuck it, I am going to bed.

... yeah.

The on-hover text is "This one makes me wince every time I think about it."
And I've had that conversation. But I'm having one at the moment which is going how it's meant to.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"Nuh uh, I love you more."

...
... I love him more <3

From Post Secret blogspot

Scrolling through the postcards there, I found one that struck a very clear chord.


I love my Stuart.

I played you a song but I eated it... wait, no...

Welp, it's dodgy quality recording and out of tune piano, plus it's sideways because blogger doesn't seem to like portrait-oriented videos... but it's Moonlight Sonata nonetheless.
:)